


Gotta be my Own Man

by fatedfeathers



Series: 177(6) Verse Fics [3]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: 177(6) verse, Character Study, Gen, No Dialogue, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-13
Updated: 2016-09-13
Packaged: 2018-08-14 19:22:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8025928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fatedfeathers/pseuds/fatedfeathers
Summary: He knew who he was. Philip Hayler, formerly Philip Hamilton.------Character study of Philip from Kookookarli's 177(6) verse





	Gotta be my Own Man

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ashilrak](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashilrak/gifts).



Felicity Hayler had just come back inside from playing with her best friend Alex when her parents said they had to tell her something. Immediately, her lower lip began to tremble; was she in trouble?

No, her parents assured her, she wasn’t in trouble. That didn’t stop her from being upset and crying when she found out they would be moving and she would have to leave Alex. They’d be moving at the end of the month, her parents tried to console her. She still had plenty of time to spend with her friend.

Felicity spent all the time she could with Alex before leaving. She knew he was important to her, and she wanted to remember him.

\------

Felicity looked longingly at her play clothes. She would much rather be wearing the shorts and sneakers than she would the Mary Janes and dress she had on, but it was school picture day and her parents had said that she’d want to dress nicely for it. She’d reluctantly agreed, even though she felt like she’d look just as nice (if not better) in a shirt and shorts. At the very least she’d feel better about herself. But the third grader sighed and ran her fingers through her shoulder-length hair again before her mother stilled her hands and separated her hair into two symmetrical braids.

Felicity smiled at her mother, the gap where her missing tooth was showing. Her mother smiled back, before telling her to go grab her backpack and be ready to leave for school soon. Felicity nodded, running to make sure her homework was in her folder, until she was scolded gently for running in her nice dress.

\------

In fifth grade, Felicity felt the first inkling of a feeling that something wasn’t right about her. They came into her class one day and said that all the boys needed to go to another room, while the girls stayed where they were. Felicity was a girl, so why did she feel so weird about staying instead of going with the boys?

She sat uncomfortably through the discussion of how their bodies would be changing soon, and noticed a few other girls shifting uncomfortably as well. She was glad she wasn’t the only one discomforted by the discussion; maybe she wasn’t so different after all.

Then, a few months later, she got her first memory. Her father slipping on the ice and talking angrily on end about New York winters. Again, she felt a weird, indescribable feeling when she remembered about it, almost like she was a different person from her memory. But that wasn’t possible, was it?

\------

It took her two years to figure out why her memories felt so strange sometimes. She  _ had _ been a different person, in a way; she had been a boy.

Philip Hamilton.

She was proud to have lived where her father grew up, but she kept the feeling of something being wrong to herself.

\------

It took her until her freshman year of high school to properly identify why she felt so much different whenever she had remembered something. Being a boy, even remembering it, just felt  _ right _ to her. So, naturally, she looked to the internet to find out more.

It was rare, but people were occasionally reincarnated as the opposite sex of their last life. There were whole forums dedicated to it, though, and Felicity spent weeks reading through them. There were so many fascinating stories; of people accepting their current gender, of people feeling like they never fit any gender anyways, of transgender people who only realized they weren’t cis when they had their revelation.

Stories of people like Felicity.

\------

So, halfway through her freshman year, Felicity asked her friends to call her Philip, choosing his old name to be his new one. He started going to his school’s GSA meetings, and developed a support group. One of his friends helped him find a binder that fit him properly so he didn’t hurt himself trying to make his own.

He stalled to tell his parents, afraid of what they’d say. He suffered through long days of being misgendered and put on a brave face at home, but he could only bear so much for so long.

\------

Philip Hayler came out to his parents his junior year of high school. Instead of the anger and rejection he expected, he got hugged by both of his parents and told that they’d support him. He was relieved, a weight taken off his chest.

He remembered explaining who he was in a past life, how his gender didn’t match up, and how his parents had accepted that and wondered why he’d doubted their ability to care for and support him no matter what ( _ but he’d known stories, and fear was a powerful thing. He never could have been certain they would still love him, _ he thinks in the back of his mind).

\------

His parents paid for his top surgery for his high school graduation present. He couldn’t have loved them more in that moment.

\------

When he learned that his parents from his past life were reincarnated as well, Phil was overjoyed. He doubted he’d get the chance to meet them, but he couldn’t help but hope.

\------

Their debate team was going to lose so hard. Philip was excited to see his past father (and hopefully mother and other relatives), but he did  _ not _ look forward to debating him.

He wondered if he’d get a chance to talk to them.

He wondered if he’d have to tell them.

We was worried about more than just the debate.

\------

They lost the debate. No one was surprised.

  
But one word from Lizzie--  _ “Philip!” _ \-- and he knew he didn’t have to explain himself. They knew who he was.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I based the talk in fifth gradeon something my elementary school did? I don't know if it's a common experience though all of elementary schools in America, but. I included it because that's my experience.


End file.
